The Daily Crazy - October 17, 2007

*singing*
I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in, yeah

This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on
But I digress…
- Fall out Boy (This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race)

I seriously can’t help myself with this band. They have burrowed their way into my heart and have settled in their own happy little place. Must. Go. See. Them. Live. My little sister is going and I’m green with envy. So not fair. *pout*

Though I get to go see Bon Jovi next week so *tongue out* pppttttthhhhhhhhhhh!! *GRIN* Take that and stick it in your back pocket. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Ha ha! WOOT!

So today is a Wheat & Cheese Cracker kinda day. Know why? Well, I’ll tell you.

I went to get my daily dose of cheesy crackers the other day when… GASP! Some madman (ok, I’ll be PC… mad “person”) removed my wheat & cheesy greatness… EMPTY. What the… *shake head in disbelief* Of course … in all my lady-likeness… I say “son of a… expletive!”

So I’ve been settling with the Peanut Butter Crackers again… and we all know how the PB Cracker kind of day goes…

Well today, you’ll never guess what happened… O M G.

They replaced the Peanut Butter Crackers with… one lone package of Wheat & Cheese Crackers.

Tell me this vending machine doesn’t predict my day?

Yahoo Horoscope tells me… “You can kiss goodbye to the deep issues of life today. It's time for some fun.”

See?


To ponder…

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Funny stuff…

#1
Things you'd love to say at work but can't…

1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand what you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw up fairy has visited you again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

#2
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?"

"No, I guess not, " says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, " Why did you let him do that?"

To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?"


More funny stuff…