The Daily Crazy - October 31, 2007 HALLOWEEN!

*singing*
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween

I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

I am the one hiding under yours stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

In this town, don't we love it now?
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise

Round that corner, man hiding in the trash cam
Something's waiting no to pounce, and how you'll...

Scream! This is Halloween
Red 'n' black, slimy green

Aren't you scared?

Well, that's just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with the moon in the dead of night

Everybody scream, everbody scream

In our town of Halloween!

I am the clown with the tear-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace

I am the "who" when you call, "who's there?"
I am the wind blowing through your hair

I am the shadow on the moon at night
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!

Tender lumplings everywhere
Life's no fun without a good scare

That's our job, but we're not mean
In our town of Halloween

In this town

Don't we love it now?

Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back
And scream like a banshee
Make you jump out of your skin
This is Halloween, everyone scream
Wont' ya please make way for a very special guy

Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween!

- The Nightmare Before Christmas (This is Halloween)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUvJ_mGJnRw


HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!

Isn't this the BEST holiday? You get to dress up like something/someone else... whatever you want... imagination running wild... and then gorge yourself to overflowing with candy (mmmm... Reesy Punkin's... got four 6-packs of em' sitting in my desk drawer... since it's Halloween I'm allowed to have more than one... not like I limit myself any other day though... oops... tee hee).

I don't think it gets much better.

Well... actually it does.

So last year... I hardly had any kids at my house. And I'm in a prime neighborhood for kids. Oh noooo... they all stuck to the other side of the development... Well. Hmph. FINE. I bought all candy that I like anyway so I would be able to enjoy it if there were leftovers. So THERE. :p (mmmmm... Baby Ruth... mmmm Reese's anything.... mmmmmmm... Snickers.... mmmmmmMMMMMMM... STOP IT. *sheepish grin* hee).

I digress.

Poor Dooley had to be locked in the kitchen so he wouldn't scare the beejeesus out of the poor little kiddies who knocked (the very few who did) on the door. So it's getting late right? I finally realize that no one wants to come to my house.... (wwaaaaahhhhhh!) and release the beast.

At that EXACT moment... DING DONG.

Dooley's new nickname is Doorbell. He hears the doorbell or someone knocking and barking/flipping out commences. He makes a beeline for the door (which is all glass by the way) and barks like there is no tomorrow. (He is a Golden Retriever but packs a bark like a Rottweiler)

I reach the door bare seconds after him and...

Standing there is a terrified little boy... eyes like saucers... hand still halfway down from the doorbell. Frozen.

Is it horrible of me to think this is hilariously funny? Hey, I was nice. I gave the kid like 2 or 3 handfulls of candy. Though I should have given him another pair of pants cuz you know his were ruined.

Good quotes...

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. ~Author Unknown

'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world.~William Shakespeare

Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with "scary," "spooky," "haunted," or "forbidden" in the title. ~Shaggy, Scooby-Doo

When witches go riding,and black cats are seen,the moon laughs and whispers,‘tis near Halloween.~Author Unknown

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~George Carlin

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,May luck be yours on Halloween.~Author Unknown


Funny stuff...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...

What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist...

More funny stuff...













www.comics.com
www.cavernsofblood.com/halloween-jokes/

BOO!!



*giggling* tee hee... gotcha.

The Daily Crazy - October 30, 2007

*singing*
"I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash"

- Bobby "Boris" Pickett (Monster Mash)


tee hee. mischief night. Everyone got their TP and shaving cream ready? *GRIN*

hahahahahaha! Black cat... TP? Get it? hahahahahahaha! Ok. Moment passed. Moving on...

Oh the stories I have about mischief night... Oh no. I never went out. I was always the VICTIM. My "friends" liked to hit my house every year. Note the quotes around the word "FRIENDS." And every year you know who caught heat for it? ME. It was MY fault my "friends" hit my house. RIGHT.

Though I have to admit... I can understand the frustration. It wasn't just TP and shaving cream at my house. It was like the 4th of July combined with Mardi Gras. Interesting combo you say? Well when kids get you with TP & shaving cream... and then take it to the next level where they set off fireworks and draw a pair of breasts in the road with an arrow towards your house? YUP. Not the least bit embarrassing.

So the following year... *GRIN* We sat outside and lay in wait for the little bas... I mean kids. With a hose, eggs, shaving cream, and TP. *EVIL GRIN* It was really cold that year too. Here they come... creeping up to the house... giggling along the way and... WHAM! They didn't know what hit them. Sweet revenge. muhahahahahahah

Oh and by the way....

BOO!

This fun "little" (again, note the quotes) spider was waiting for me right by the handle of my front door. I went to turn around and push the door closed and...

*eeeeeeyyyyyyiiiIiIIIIPPPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!*

Just in time for Halloween.

Funny stuff...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?

A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?

A: Because they don't know the words.

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?

A: To a crow bar.

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A: A walkie-talkie.

Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?

A: Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable.

Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

A: Too many cheetahs.


More funny stuff...

http://www.comics.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/

The Daily Crazy - October 29, 2007

*singing*
Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
bippity-boppity-boo

Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
bippity-boppity-boo

Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity bippity-boppity bippity-boppity-boo
- Fairy Godmother (Disney's "Cinderella")

I have lost faith in my cell phone GPS. Seriously and completely. Have lost faith in it. I think it's been cahooting with my Tivo to play tricks on me.

Right. So I have no sense of direction. (I'm sure this shocks all of you) Someone asks which direction and I say "that way... I think." Yeah. So when I finally got the GPS thingermawhatsit on my phone ... WOW. I can GO places and not be afraid of getting lost. SWEET.

So I've been using it for a few months now and it's great. Doesn't always take me the best route, but boy if I make a wrong turn she is all over me. "Please make the next legal U-Turn." She even wants me to follow the traffic laws. *snicker... hmph*

Hm. Until recently ... she's been great. Always there for me. A real trooper.

I'm driving along in what is very unfamiliar territory. I wasn't paying attention and missed the way I was supposed to go cuz I didn't like the way the GPS was gonna take me... but hey, no worries... she'll guide me down my path "recalculating route" ...NICE... though... I think I insulted her...

Hm... unsafe and congested territory. Hmmmm... unsafe, congested, and mad confusing territory. Yipe. *GULP*

AND THEN IT HAPPENS. Just at the EXACT MOMENT that I realize I am lost... my GPS craps out and says "Please try again later."

WHAT?! Are you *expletive* KIDDING me with this? NOW? You choose NOW to crap out? When I'm actually lost? W T F.

Thankfully, I had a place to pull over (barely)... lock the doors... and beg and plead with said GPS (aka the evil bitch) to help me home.

She finally forgave me (after my cursing died down)... and guided me home. Through much traffic and frustration. Paybacks are most definitely... a bitch.

So don't second guess your GPS folks. Cuz you might wind up in a similar... if not much worse... situation.


Funny stuff...

Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it's the scenter.

Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"?
A: A dog barking in a mirror.

There was this tiger who woke up one morning and just felt great. He just felt
so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS THE
MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
This poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one is
mightier than you."

A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out: "WHO
IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer: "Oh
great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."

The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was quietly
munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE
MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"

Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him
down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of
orange and black, and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.

The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says: "Man, just
because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."

More funny stuff...

www.comics.com

http://www.jokepier.com

The Daily Crazy - October 26, 2007

*singing*
"Is there anybody out there looking for a party? Yeah!!
Shake your money maker, baby smoke it if you got it.
We just wanna have some fun if you don't wanna kiss this
Everybody raise your hands come on I need a witness.

We Got It Goin' On
We'll be banging and singing just like the rolling stones
We're gonna shake up your sole, we're gonna rattle your bones
'Cause We Got It Goin' On."
- Bon Jovi (We Got It Goin' On)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOR0qz6Fll0


Oh who is so excited???? BON JOVI TONIGHT BABY! Ye-yeah!

The night is finally here!! BON JOVI! And not ONLY is it Bon Jovi night... it's also....

oh yeah... you got it...

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody say it.... WOOT!

There are no other words to express my joy today ... *GRIN* I am so happy... I am inspired to dance...



Enjoy today everyone! It's a bit gloomy up here in NJ, but SO WHAT. The weekend is upon us! Live it up!


Words of wisdom...

"..I ask people if an elephant has ever bitten them. Most of the time people say no. But everyone has been bitten by a mosquito. It's the little things that get us." - David DeNotaris

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. - Chinese Proverb

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired. English Proverb


Funny stuff...

Things to do in an Elevator

1. Groan while slapping your head and muttering to yourself: "Shut up, all of you, just shut up"

2. Open your briefcase or purse and ask "Is there enough air in there?"

3. Stand in the corner motionless without saying anything or getting off.

4. When the elevator gets to your floor try prying the doors open while grunting and making noises, then act embarrassed when they open.

5. Greet everyone getting on the elevator and ask them to call you Admiral.

6. Meow every now and again.

7. Bring a cooler labeled "Human head"

8. When the elevator gets to each floor say "Ding"

9. Whenever somebody pushes a button make explosive noises.

More funny stuff...

www.comics.com

http://www.funnyville.com

http://www.wow4u.com/

The Daily Crazy - October 25, 2007

*singing*
"Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love dont feel like it should
You make it hurt so good"
- John Mellancamp (Hurts So Good)

Ok, so I left work early to go pack yesterday right? Right. What fun. *insert sarcasm here*

Anyway, on the way home, I had to stop at the grocery store... now mind you... I hadn't eaten any breakfast and it was pushing noon. So I was pretty much... well... starving. We've already discussed how it is a very bad idea to go grocery shopping when you are hungry. Have I learned my lesson? I think not.

So, I had to pick up Paper Towels, Garbage Bags, All-Purpose Windex (which is awesome by the way), Swiffer Duster refills, and ...Sugar Free Red Bull. So I guess I wanted to clean... really fast.

I get to the grocery store and actually take a cart (which of course I never do) and ignore the rumblings of my belly. *gurrgle... gurrgle... GROWL* Mmmmm.... chicken roasters. NO. Mmmmmm... NO. Fine... so I pick up my items and then say to myself (not out loud) "how about some soup for lunch?" Mmmmm... SOUP. Rainy day = perfect day for soup.

Problem... on my way to get soup... I see... CHEF BOYARDEE. Oh yes. Which I have been craving for weeks now but I've been trying to ignore it. What can I say? I love fake food. Straight out of the box or a can? BRING IT.

So then comes the decision... Ravioli's or Spaghetti w/ Meatballs? I can NEVER choose. So... I get both. I get home... and say... hmmm... why don't I cook them both? I'll NEVER eat both cans. No way. I'll cook it all and save whatever I don't eat for later.

Long story short. I did. I ate both cans. In one sitting. OINK. MOO.

Folks. Don't ever do it. You will regret it. You will turn into a float in the Macy's Day Parade from all the sodium you have consumed. Bad idea. (but mmmm... hurts so good...)

Of course, now thinking back on it, I forgot they have the single serving cans... oops. he he.


Harry Potter quotes... (oh yes... it's about time I did it...)

"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." - Hermione Granger

"Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world." - Ron Weasley

"If anyone wanted ter find out some stuff, all they'd have ter do would be ter follow the spiders. That'd lead 'em right! That's all I'm sayin'." - Rubeus Hagrid

"Follow the spiders he says... why couldn't it be Follow the butterflies?" - Ron Weasley

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me." - Harry Potter


Funny stuff...

#1
Question. How do you get a blonde on the roof?
Answer. Tell her the drinks are on the house.

#2
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."


More funny stuff...

http://www.comics.com/

http://www.funnyville.com

The Daily Crazy - October 24, 2007

*singing*

"I look up to the little bird
That glides across the sky
He sings the clearest melody
It makes me want to cry
It makes me want to sit right down
And cry cry cry

I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And i...
I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here

But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go?
My my what do I know?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little birds fallen out of that nest now
Ive got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So Ive just got to put these wings to test

For I am just a troubled soul
Whos weighted...
Weighted to the ground
Give me the strength to carry on
Till I can lay this burden down
Give me the strength to lay this burden down
Down down yea
Give me the strength to lay it down

But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go?
My my what do I know?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little birds fallen out of that nest now
Ive got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So Ive just got to put these wings to test"

- Annie Lennox (Little Bird)

I get to leave work EARLY today. Like MAD early too. 10am early. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *pointing and laughing at all of you*

I guess I really can't laugh at you. Seeing as to how I have to go home and PACK. UGH. I really truly loathe and DESPISE packing and moving. Before you start... it looks like a piece of cake... (mmmmMM... cake... vanilla with chocolate frosting... or vanilla and vanilla... or chocolate and chocolate... STOP IT!)

Anyway, you get into it and as you go along it's like... hm.... I have this pain... yup... hm... ouch... that smarts... and it's getting worse... and it's .... a pain in my ass (tee hee... this blog is rated PG-13 for adult content).

So yes, WOOT! I get to go home early... however, the catch is that I have to go pack up all my junk. So I can move it. And it can sit in the new house. Where I won't touch it. We all do it ... we all say "oh if you haven't touched it in a 1-3 years, throw it out!" Yeah right... hypocrites.

On a brighter note, I discovered the COOLEST THING EVER I SWEAR. I have a video iPod (which is my bestest good friend next to Tivo... and no where near as mischievous). We're like ... tee hee... *giggling* "Me and Jenny are like peeeas and carrots." Sorry, I couldn't resist. It just popped into my head.

Anyway... I bought a hoosermawhatchamacallit thing so I can hook it up in the car.

Most excellent. I can play my now 1,600 (has to be more by now) songs in the car without switching CD's. SWEET.

Right. So it's a VIDEO iPod. I get the brilliant idea to try and play a movie in the car. (did I mention I also bought a mount for the iPod... easy to reach and see while driving? yeah...) And know what... IT WORKED. OMG how COOL is THAT?

Well... the mistake was I played Corky Romano... which isn't the best movie, but it has really REALLY funny parts... like this one (which reminds me of me... on caffeine)... cannot laugh that hard while driving... it's a bad idea... yeah... near miss of a red light... (yipe).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Y08erKJMkc

*laughing .... so hard... crying...* OMG. I'm going to say "I should buy a BOAT!" all day now...

Question? question? You got one? no? questionquestion... no? I SHOULD BUY A BOAT!

Funny stuff...

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"

To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"

More funny stuff...

http://www.jokeoftheday.com/content/jokes/animal/4123

http://www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - October 23, 2007

*singing*
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha."
- Spice Girls (Wannabe)

That's right. I DID. Spice Girls are BACK baby. Live. It. Up.

I need a moment to unload. Share... deep thoughts...

I seriously need to get my hands on a Klondike bar. Someone mentioned it the other day or it was on TV. But since then I haven't been able to get it out of my head. *singing* "What would you doooOO for a Klondike bar?"

Hm. Ponder that peeps... what would YOU do for a Klondike bar?

I forgot to mention the fantastic lunch I had yesterday. Have you ever tried a tuna melt? Ok, picture that, but with CHICKEN SALAD. O M G. Sooooo .... DELICIOUS.

Anyhoo... nuff about food... don't know why I'm talking about food... I'm stuffed from lunch... mmmMM grilled chicken wrap... "cut it out! ok self..." wait... I promised I wouldn't argue with myself in here and "out" even more of my crazy...*sheepish grin*

Right.

So I bought the coolest mouse EVER. *giggling...tee hee...* it's *giggling* a DOG FACE. *snicker... giggle...* And the EARS are the clickers! Isn't that FANTASTIC? *holding sides... laughing too hard*

See??? Isn't this the CUTEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

Right. You know it is. :p

Words of wisdom...

“Today will never happen again.
Don’t waste it with a false start or no start at all.”
Og Mandino

“We do not see things as they are:
we see them as we are.”
The Talmud

“The most certain way to succeed is
always to try just one more time.”
Thomas Edison

“There is no challenge more challenging than
the challenge to improve yourself.”
Michael Staley

“Two things never to be angry about:
what you can help and what you cannot.”
Scottish Proverb

“Bee yourself.”
The Genie, Aladdin

"Your confidence is your capacity."
M. K. Soni

Funny stuff...

A guy is driving around Oklahoma and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff."

More funny stuff...

http://www.wow4u.com/

http://www.comics.com/

http://www.funnyville.com

The Daily Crazy - October 20, 2007

*singing*
Jenny, I got your number,
I need to make you mine.
Jenny, don't change your number,
8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)
8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)
- Tommy Tutone (8675309 Jenny)

Since bringing up “Jenny Two Times” … I heard this song the other day. It seemed appropriate to start off with it. And besides, it’s one of those songs that gets stuck in your melon. But not right away… Oh no… you’ll get home later and find yourself humming it.

*GRIN* You’re welcome.

I discovered something this weekend. Actually, a few things.

1) If you go to a barbeque where you know there is going to be a fire pit, bring ingredients for Smores. If you forget them, SMACK! yourself in the forehead. Immediately. I myself now have a permanent palm print tattooed on mine. Also, very important, you must make Smores… WITH PEANUT BUTTER. Oh yes, trust me. And, it must be JIF *insert plug here*. No other peanut butter will do. Even natural peanut butter (please, who wants the “good for you” stuff without the preservatives? PSHAW.)

2) If you know you do not have the strength of even a small child, do not try to lift heavy items by yourself. It will backfire. This I promise. I lifted a ginormous (ha ha, I can use that word “legally” now) T.V. off of a dresser yesterday… by myself (determination) … and almost dropped it on my feet… because I’m smart (dumb). Then I proceeded, oh yes, to flip a mattress right after this. Which I managed to do with much unladylike cursing. *insert expletives here*

Hm. Anyway...

For all you new “subscribers” … I have posted a bunch of old Daily Crazy’s (from October 17th back). Check em’ out! And enjoy!


Words of wisdom…

"Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious." - Og Mandino

"Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available." - Jim Beggs

"A smile confuses an approaching frown." - Author Unknown

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead." - Bill Mcglashen

"You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." - Walt Disney

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
- Mark Twain (My new quote to live by...)


Funny stuff…

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."


More funny stuff…













http://www.wow4u.com/

http://www.funnyville.com

http://www.comics.com/

The Daily Crazy - October 19, 2007

*singing*
“I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window.
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
- Natasha Bedingfield (Unwritten)

You know what is a cruel twist of fate? Having a headache on a Friday. That’s like getting a full-blown cold on vacation. It’s just not cricket.

HOLY HEADACHE BATMAN.

*thu-thump… thu-thump… thu-thump… right eye pulsing with each THUMP… veins throbbing… eye bloodshot and tearing…*

I think my brain is trying to push out through my right eye socket.

Anyway… I digress… it’s FRIDAY PEOPLE!! WOOT!

*running… arms flung wide… I LOVE you WORLD!… grinning… tee hee… la la la la… WHAM! … uuuuggh… groan… wall… stunned moment… sliiiiiiide to floor…crumpled heap *

right. That just did wonders for my headache.

So… I have discovered something about myself. I have dubbed myself “Jenny Two Times.” (one of the few times you’ll see me refer to myself as “Jenny”)

Oh… why you ask me?

I noticed that in most conversations, I tend to repeat myself. I say the same thing twice. I say the same thing twice. (tee hee… gotcha)

This makes me… a repeat offender.

*giggling… giggling louder… bent over double laughing… holding sides… can’t … breathe…*

(I know… most of you have seen this joke already, but I couldn’t resist. It gets me every time.)

So, it’s an odd thing to do. Hm. I think I have discovered the source of this milady, but will keep that to myself. For another time perhaps. ;)

I also noticed that I must always calculate something at least twice on the calculator (though three times is better). Counting a pattern? At least twice.

(you can just point and laugh and say OCD much? It’s ok… I’ve come to terms with it… we all know I’m certifiable, why not just “out” all my crazy?)

So… if you catch me doing this… just nudge me cuz I must be “skipping.”


To ponder…

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

Why aren't there bulletproof pants?


Funny stuff…

#1
Two seagulls fly over a race track.
One says "Look, there's a race down below!"
Other one says " I'm gonna put everything I got on number 5."

#2
At the end of the day I parked my police car in front of the station and gathered my equipment. Suddenly, my K-9 partner, Jake, started barking, and a little boy on the street was staring at me.

The boy asked, "Is that a dog you got back there?" "It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the car. Finally he said, "What did he do?"


More funny stuff…

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/index.html

http://www.comics.com/comics/peanuts/

The Daily Crazy - October 18, 2007

*singing*
“And if you say this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Cause you're so smooth
And just like the ocean under the moon
Well that's the same emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin that can be so smooth
Gimme your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it.”
- Santana feat. Rob Thomas (Smooth)

Ok... here goes... this is a good one...

I have made it a bad habit to fall asleep with the t.v. on every night. Can’t help it, just have to. I’ll eventually get out of the habit, but at the moment? Eh, why not. And I must always fall asleep watching a good show. Can’t be something boring or I can’t get to sleep. (I know… you’d think boring would PUT me to sleep… nope)

Anyway, I digress…

So … I have my Tivo set to pick up random movies or programs based on key words and actors/actresses. So in the middle of the night, my handy dandy friend Tivo will switch channels to help me out and record a show it thinks I might like. Isn’t it so nice to me? I love my Tivo. :)

Well, sometimes it likes to play tricks on me …

I’ll get back to Tivo.

I had the WEIRDEST dream last night. Everyone was talking to me … in Spanish. Yes, I know. It’s bizarre. And it’s the first time it’s ever happened. I’ve had ones where people are talking and I can’t hear them… but never ones in another language. Unfortunately, no subtitles either.

Well… I finally woke up from said dream and… I realized. My Tivo changed the channel to… HBO Latino.

Hm.


To ponder…

How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If you take a shower, where do you put it?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

What happened to the first 6 ups?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?


Funny Stuff…

Q: Why is the little ant always confused?
A: Because all his uncles are ants.

Q: What is faster - heat or cold?
A: Heat - you can catch cold.

Q: What is the best part of a Boxer's joke?
A: The PUNCH line.

Q: How many seconds are there in a year?
A: 12 - Jan. 2, Feb. 2, Mar. 2, ...

Q: Who sleeps with their shoes on?
A: Horses.

Q: What kind of house weighs the least?
A: A LIGHT house.

Q: Why is a river rich?
A: It has two banks.

Q: Which is the quietest sport?
A: Bowling - you can hear a pin drop.

Q: What question can you never truthfully answer 'Yes'?
A: Are you asleep?

Q: What goes around the world but stays in a corner?
A: A postage stamp.


More funny stuff…

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/index.html

http://www.comics.com/comics/peanuts/

The Daily Crazy - October 17, 2007

*singing*
I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in, yeah

This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a GD arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on
But I digress…
- Fall out Boy (This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race)

I seriously can’t help myself with this band. They have burrowed their way into my heart and have settled in their own happy little place. Must. Go. See. Them. Live. My little sister is going and I’m green with envy. So not fair. *pout*

Though I get to go see Bon Jovi next week so *tongue out* pppttttthhhhhhhhhhh!! *GRIN* Take that and stick it in your back pocket. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Ha ha! WOOT!

So today is a Wheat & Cheese Cracker kinda day. Know why? Well, I’ll tell you.

I went to get my daily dose of cheesy crackers the other day when… GASP! Some madman (ok, I’ll be PC… mad “person”) removed my wheat & cheesy greatness… EMPTY. What the… *shake head in disbelief* Of course … in all my lady-likeness… I say “son of a… expletive!”

So I’ve been settling with the Peanut Butter Crackers again… and we all know how the PB Cracker kind of day goes…

Well today, you’ll never guess what happened… O M G.

They replaced the Peanut Butter Crackers with… one lone package of Wheat & Cheese Crackers.

Tell me this vending machine doesn’t predict my day?

Yahoo Horoscope tells me… “You can kiss goodbye to the deep issues of life today. It's time for some fun.”

See?


To ponder…

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Funny stuff…

#1
Things you'd love to say at work but can't…

1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand what you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw up fairy has visited you again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

#2
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?"

"No, I guess not, " says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, " Why did you let him do that?"

To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?"


More funny stuff…

The Daily Crazy - October 16, 2007

*singing*
This is my life
It’s not what it was before.
All these feelings I’ve shared.
And these are my dreams.
That I’d never lived before.
Somebody shake me ‘cause I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here, it’s so far away.
All the struggle we thought was in vain.
All the mistakes, one life contained.
They all finally start to go away.
Now that we’re here, it’s so far away.
And I feel like I can face the day.

I can forgive, and I’m not ashamed.
To be the person that I am today.

These are my words.
That I’ve never said before.
I think I’m doing okay.
And this is the smile.
That I’ve never shown before.
Somebody shake me ‘cause I must be sleeping.

Now that we’re here, it’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain.
All the mistakes, one life contained.
They all finally start to go away.
Now that we’re here, it’s so far away.
And I feel like I can face the day.

I can forgive, and I’m not ashamed.
To be the person that I am today.

I’m so afraid of waking.
Please don’t shake me.
Afraid of waking.
Please don’t shake me.
- Staind (So Far Away)

Sigh… Let’s start off the day with a serious song, but a good one. :) It’s going on my “new life” soundtrack.

And now for something completely different.

* breaking into song yet again…* “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly time… Peanut Butter Jelly time… Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat…”

ha ha ha ha ha ha! Get THAT outta your noggin’.

So… the peanut gallery has spoken. Apparently, I talk about bugs too much. Well. Hm. Know what I say to that? *sticking tongue out* pppttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Yipe. *dodging kick to shin…* Run away! Run away!!

Side note: It seems I am full of Monty Pyton quotes today. Next I will tell you that you must bring me a shrubbery.

I can’t HELP it. I have another short bug story. I’m in the car following Peanut Gallery Member #1 and… hm… something is tickling my hand… thought it was a strand of hair but no… IT WAS A SPIDER. Crawling on me. ON ME. Do you understand this? It TOUCHED me. I screech to the point where I hit an octave so high, dogs three neighborhoods away start to howl… and I brush / slap it off. Of course, I have no idea where it went. It’s now living in my car. I’m sure it’s stocking up on bugs so it can grow big enough to consume me. Great.

See? How do I NOT share this kind of stuff? Hm. I’m stuck on repeat… so does that make me a repeat offender? *Tee hee… clutching sides… laughing … so hard… can’t … breathe…* I find all this HILARIOUSLY funny. Hey. I make MYSELF laugh and that COUNTS. *GRIN* If I get you peeps to laugh it’s just a bonus.


To ponder…

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?

How can you hear yourself think?

If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?

Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?


Funny Stuff…

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"

More funny stuff…

The Daily Crazy - October 15, 2007

*singing*
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions
Hired a construction crew, 'cause it's h-ell on the engine
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.

So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
- Fall Out Boy (Hum Hallelujah)

Good Monday morning to you all!

I know, I know… what’s so GOOD about it? The weekend is over and we have this ENTIRE week to “look forward” to. Hm. Bummah.

So I discovered something about myself this weekend. I have a really bad habit. (peanut gallery… it’s Monday… go easy huh?)

I had to make a quick stop at the grocery store for some delicious cheese and crackers. That’s IT. Right.

Well… of course… I was STARVING when I went. Two words. BAD. IDEA. Most people already know this… However, we all still do it.

Anyway… I get in the store and I’m wandering around the cheeses… mmmm… cheese… And pick out a whole bunch. Mmmm… and those delicious meat and cheese roll things. (They are REALLY good by the way… proscuitto and mozzarella… YUMMY.)

Now… I was smart enough to at least grab a hand-basket when I walked in. But a cart? Nope. I’m only picking up cheese & crackers, remember? Why would I need a cart? Right. Plus I want to at least TRY and limit myself cuz I know I’m starving and will want to buy up the whole store.

So my hand-basket is more than halfway full of cheese and meat. Now on to crackers. Which I throw a good 4 or so boxes of those in the rapidly filling basket… which has suddenly grown quite heavy… hmm… but I could really use some flavored bubbly water… why not? I’ll grab two 6-packs and carry them… along with the heavy basket…

I somehow manage to grab the water… heavy basket on my arm… thin metal handles digging into the crook of my arm… and then make the GIANT mistake of walking down the chip aisle… And… SCORE. The mixed Doritos that I have been searching for for weeks… Doritos Collisions… Hot Wings and Blue Cheese (don’t get the Taco ones… they don’t taste as good) Hm… How to grab them… seeing as to how I have no free hands. *GRIN* Somehow I manage to balance one of the packs of water on my knee, quickly grab the bag o’ deliciousness, throw it in the basket, and grab the water again before it falls. Success!

I barely made it to the register…

My bad habit? I always walk in the store thinking I don’t need a cart… and always wind up balancing things and lugging heavy items around the store. Though, in the end? I manage to save a whole lot of money cuz could you imagine what I would do if I had the cart? And was hungry? Forget it. One of everything would make its way in there. Two if it’s really yummy (or on sale…)


Things to ponder…

How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?

Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?

Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?


Funny Stuff…

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, s I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.

Just then the light turned green and there I was with a bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked.

On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy thing... it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle, but the car behind me was a police car.
Of course, knowing my luck, immediately the lights went on and I was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears.

He simply stated: I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.


More funny stuff…