The Daily Crazy - November 30, 2007

*singing*
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine,
everything will be alright.
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine,
everything will be alright.
- Jimmy Eat World (The Middle)


psssst! Hey!? You. Over there! Yeah. YOU! PSSSST! Guess what?

*giggling*

It's.... FRIDAY!!!! yip... ppppPEEEEEEE!!! *happy dance*



Ok... I'm going to fess up here. I've already shared that I am very fond of... ok... OBSESSED with Hershey/Reese's chocolate right? Well... Yeah, I went to their site and signed up for announcements, etc. I know. I'm a huge dork. I stick my tongue out at you and say hmph. So there.

Well. Check THIS out. This is AMAZING.

http://www.hersheygifts.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2778337&clickid=mainnav_cats_txt

HELLO?

Are you not understanding the importance of this information? FRESH FROM THE FACTORY CHOCOLATE??

It's madness. Madness I tell you.

Hello HEAVEN. It doesn't get much better than this folks. It really doesn't.

And to boot they threw in other good stuff like Nutrageous and Pay Day. What are they trying to DO to me here? I'm gonna explode from the force of my happiness.

All is right with the world.




Funny stuff...

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato — the best part of him is underground.

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken


More funny stuff...
http://www.comics.com/

The Daily Crazy - November 29, 2007

*singing*
"Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to
Make me cry
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to
Make me cry"
- Boy George & Culture Club (Do You Really Want to Hurt Me)


Ok. I'm having what I refer to as a "Meg Ryan moment." Need a moment to vent.

This scene in "French Kiss" is perfect. She's talking/sniping at the concierge in a French hotel. And says "and it MAKES me.... completely.. INSANE!" Check out this clip...



I don't understand some people. Some like to push buttons and with others it just comes naturally.



I especially don't like it when someone with a "strong" personality picks on someone with a "timid" one. Oooohhh... that just gets under my skin. I witnessed this yesterday... and actually the day before as well. Said "meanie" vs. said "timid." I won't go into detail, but it was enough where... WTF...?

My hackles go up and the claws come out... *bink.... bink bink bink bink...*... *bing!* light flashes off a claw... Meow. Hiss.



I have a soft spot for said timid and it kills me to bear witness to such a display of... meanness.

My "happy-go-lucky... la la la" attitude pulled a 180 and full-on Bitch took her turn. I made a comment with the sweet voice... but it was loaded with venom.

*GRIN* Don't mess with the people I care about. Meow. Hiss. *twitch*

Then... said meanie tried to pull that bologna on ME. *sputter... burst out laughing...point and laugh*

Right. Nice try. I only LOOK innocent.... muhaha... muhahahah... muahahahahahahahahahah...




Funny stuff...

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


More funny stuff...
www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - November 28, 2007

*singing*
(Riff Raff) It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes it's toll...

(Magenta) Ahh...

(Riff Raff) But listen closely...

(Magenta) Not for very much longer...

(Riff Raff) I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the Time Warp.
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me.

(Riff Raff & Magenta) And the void would be calling.

(Guests) Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Narrator) It's just a jump to the left.
(Guests) And then a step to the right.
(Narrator) With your hand on your hips.
(Guests) You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust.
They really drive you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Magenta) It's so dreamy
Oh, fantasy free me
So you can't see me
No not at all.

In another dimension
With voyeuristic intention.
Well secluded I see all...

(Riff Raff) With a bit of a mind flip...
(Magenta) You're into a time slip...
(Riff Raff) And nothing can ever be the same.
(Magenta) You're spaced out on sensation.
(Riff Raff) Like you're under sedation.

(Guests) Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Columbia) Well, I was walking down the street
Just having a think
When a snake of a guy
Gave me an evil wink.
Well it shook me up
It took me by surprise
He had a pick-up truck
And the devil's eyes
He stared at me
And I felt a change
Time meant nothing
Never would again.

(Guests) Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Narrator) It's just a jump to the left.
(Guests) And then a step to the right.
(Narrator) With your hands on your hips.
(Guests) You bring you knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust...
That really drives you insane
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again

(Columbia) Ah! Oh! Oh! Yeoooww...
Ahhhh.

(Guests) Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Narrator) It's just a jump to the left.
(Guests) And then a step to the right.
(Narrator) With your hands on your hips.
(Guests) You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
They really drive you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Time Warp)


The Coffee Saunter

I’m walking along … down the hall at work… *whistling* do do do… la di da… walking down the hall. Big ol’ grin on my mug. All is well with the world.

Walking along, walking along…. Tee hee hee… la la la… arms swinging… head boppin’ from side to side… la la… huh?



Here comes someone… slowly sauntering along… eyes slowly move left… then slowly right… back and forth… you can almost hear them creaking…

What are they thinking? Slowly gliding along … calculating eyes… *shivers*

*insert record scratching sound HERE*

I stop. Frozen in terror. Short gasps of breath. *deer in headlight eyes* Willing myself to calm down. Don’t wanna have to go home and change my shorts.

Not a sound. Dead silence.

Side bar: I feel like I’m in an episode of Seinfeld.
“Hello … JERRY.”
“Hello… NnnnEWMAN.”

*GULP* “Um… hi… ‘so n so’ How are you?

”Hello…. JENNIFER.”

Duh duh DUUUUUH. Muhahaha muhahaha MUHHAHAHAHAH!! A door SLAMS! A woman SCREAMS in the background!

Ok… so maybe I’m playing this up a LITTLE.

Today I decided to have a cup of coffee. It’s below 0 in here, so I needed something to warm up. I’ll deal with the caffeine high. (tee hee… and so will everyone else around me! Ha ha! *GRIN*)

I go to carry it down the hall… and … I was doing the same thing the “creepies” do when THEY walk down the hall. Complete with the side-to-side eye movement.

I realize… DUH. They're walking slowly so they don’t spill! (because of course we all fill the cup to the brim…) And the eye thing is to make sure someone doesn’t dart outta nowhere and plow you down. (complete with you winding up with a coffee bib)

I have fondly dubbed this movement… The Coffee Saunter.


Funny stuff...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

More funny stuff...
www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - November 27, 2007

*singing*
I want candy, I want candy
I want candy, I want candy
- Bow Wow Wow (I Want Candy)

This song is just plain mean... but I'm up to mischief today... good luck getting it out of your head. Even lookin' up the lyrics won't help... you'll still sing these two lines over... and over... and over... ha ha!

Fall Out Boy is pointing and laughing at you too... hahahahahah!



I've mentioned the issues with my contractor right? Hm. Oh yes... all the work still isn't done and all inspections have not passed. RIGHT. Would help if the inspectors actually showed up too. Hm.

So I had a window put into the new bathroom. Made sense. Makes the room look bigger, brighter, etc. No worries on the window, it's been in for a while. Workin' just fine. No problems... well... Except for the fact that he cut it/ordered it so that no blinds fit it. None. So... I had to have blinds "cut to size" to fit said window. Why, I oughtta.... POW! Right in the kisser.

This obviously did not happen right away. Cuz... well, it's a pain. And that's more money outta my pocket (though ... that's negotiable) cuz he's an .... *expletive*.... I'll be nice. For now.

Needless to say... I've been showering in the dark. Because... of course the window is just low enough and in the right spot where I'd give the neighbors and whoever is standing in the street a show if the light is on. OY.

I finally have blinds now. It was so... strange?... showering with the light on. Having the gift of... sight! I could SEE that I was using body wash and not shampoo! AMAZING! Madness I tell you...

Then another horribly embarrasing thing happened this morning... Oh dare I share... Ok.

I trudge into the bathroom and decide to weigh-in. Why so soon after Thanksgiving is BEYOND me, though I pretty much have it set into my routine to weigh-in in the morning to maintain. Good girl today, free pass tomorrow, etc. etc. (blog re: the big weight loss to come some day).

Anyway... I'm stalling...

I make it a habit to balance my fingertips on the towel rack when I step onto the scale... and... well...

Either I am She-Ra or I put on a few more pounds than I thought over the holiday... cuz I ripped the towel rack out of the wall. *sheepish grimace*

I stood holding the towel rack in my hand... first with a look of horror... then... a serious fit of the giggles... because honestly... it's really really funny... Right?


Funny stuff to ponder...

20 Cool Facts
1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.

2. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I

3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.

4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.

5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.

6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.

8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.

10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.

11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.

12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.

13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.

14. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.

15. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.

16. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

17. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.

18. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.

19. Every person has a unique tongue print.

20. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.


More funny stuff...
www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - November 26, 2007

*singing*
"Christmas is coming,
The geese are getting fat,
Please put a penny
In the old man's hat."

Tee hee... I purposely only used the first verse of this song... good luck remembering the second verse... muuhahahah muuhahahahahahahah....




wwaaahhhhhh!!! Thanksgiving is over! *sniffle... tear... sniffle... SNORT* Um... hee...

I am very sad that my favoritist (favoritist?) holiday is over. And I have to wait a WHOLE NUTHER YEAR for it to come back. Smellin' the bird and all the fixin's as they cook... YUM. by the way... fried turkey is AMAZING. Then come the leftovers. DELICIOUS. Turkey soup... turkey sammiches... turkey this and turkey that.... GIMME GIMME GIMME. I was out the other day and ordered up a Turkey Melt (holy mackarel... made like a grilled cheese with buttery toasted bread... juicy/not dry turkey and melted cheese? O M G). People sick of turkey yet? Yeah... not me. *GRIN*



Anyhoo...

So... 6am Thursday morning ... my alarm goes off. OOoops. *grimace* Forgot to shut it off. OFF. I go back to sleep. No big. Right? Well... problem is ... I also forgot to turn it back ON last night... Double OOOoops. yipe. Thankfully, my internal alarm went off at my latest snooze time. Bad news is... I wasn't able to hit snooze at all. I had to get up right away. *grumble...expletive* Very many unladylike expletives popped out of my mouth as I trudged to the shower.

GUESS WHAT? Thanksgiving may be over... and I may be oh so very sad about this... HOWEVER...

THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS OFFICIALLY HERE!!! WOOT!!

With decorations and snowflakes and carols and snow angels and cocoa and fireplaces and Christmas trees and rosy cheeks and HUGS. *GRIN*

I'm so happy. I'm inspired to dance. *breakin' it down...*




Funny stuff...

Things to do in the Computer Lab

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)


More funny stuff...
http://www.comics.com/

The Daily Crazy - November 21, 2007 Happy Thanksgiving!

*singing*
"Love to eat turkey
Love to eat tur-r-rkeyyyy

Love to eat turkey cuz its good
I love to eat turkey like a good boy should
cuz its turkey
to eat
so good

Turkey for me turkey for u
lets eat the turkey in my big brown shoe
love to eat the turkey at the table
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable
Eat the turkey all night long
50 million Elvis fans cant be wrong
Turkey-lurkey doo turkey lurkey that
I eat that turkey then I take a nap

Thanksgiving..is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say DYNOMITE
THATS RIGHT

Tukey with gravy and cranberries
cant believe the Mets traded Darrel Strawberry
Turkey for u and turkey for me
cant believe Tyson gave that girl VD

OOOOO white meat and dark meat
u just cant lose
I fell off my Moped and I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven and the buns in the toaster
ill neva take down my Sherrel Tiggs poster

Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye

OOOOOOO turkey for the girls and turkey for the boys
my favoirte pants are courdaroys
Gobble Gobble goo and Gobble Gobble giggle
i wish turkey only cost a nickel

OOOO I love turkey on Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
- Adam Sandler (The Thanksgiving Song)


*twitch... eyelid flutter... twitch*



I ask. How on EARTH am I going to make it through today???? MUST HAVE TURKEY NOW DEMMIT. And all the fixin's... mmmmmMMM... Mashed Potatoes... Stuffing... and... the best part... RITZ BROCCOLI & CHEESE CASSEROLE (which I cannot believe I forgot to mention in my previous Thanksgiving blog). The stuff is like crack. Once you start eating it... you can't stop. DELICIOUS.



Then the trick is to get the best last bite. Get a little of everything on the fork. Doesn't matter if the bite is so huge you don't think it will fit in your mouth... GO FOR IT. Have water handy. Then drizzle a little bit of gravy directly over the fork... no... don't dip it in the leftover gravy on your plate. Drizzle some fresh over your fork. You want this to be a GOOD ONE.

Then shove it in your mug. Trust me. It's the best way to end the meal. Just make sure you have enough room left for that bite because it will practically be a meal in itself.




HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!



Funny stuff...

25 Signs That Prove - "You've Grown Up"

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can''t smoke any of them.

2. Fooling around in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. Now you're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling dirty jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.


More funny stuff...

www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - November 20, 2007

*singing*
"Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the f--- is wrong
With me

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the f--- is wrong
With me

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my f---ing misery

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the f--- is wrong
With me"
- Linkin Park (Given Up)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-4CH-xs7sQ

*SIGH*

I am near ready to give up on the human race. Seriously.

There is something I want to know. A curious notion that came up in a recent conversation.

Why can't we all just get along?

Why can't people just be... NICE? Or at the very least... CIVIL? What is the point of being nasty, backstabbing, cranky, snippy, "better than you tude'," out for yourself, and just plain ole' mean? Is there a point to this? Seriously... you get a lot further with honey than you do with vinegar. You
scratch my back, I scratch yours. Etc., etc.



Oh no... here we go... *singing* "Put a little LOVE in your HEART... and the WORLD...will be a better place..." *expletive* Now that's gonna be stuck in my head for a least today. Possibly tomorrow. ARG.



However, I am determined to be my usual annoyingly cheery self. Even to the grouchiest of persons. I dinna care. *sticking tongue out* My glee is contagious. So LOOKOUT WORLD! *GRIN* muhaha muhahahahahahah....



Oh! On another note...

I have discovered something new about my iPod. And perhaps this was a blonde moment... I allow myself one of those a day. And if I don't use it up (which is rare) I'm allowed to roll it into the next day. Tee hee... Rollover Blonde Moments. hahahahahah!!! Hilarious.

I digress...

I've been bringing my laptop to work to listen to my tunes and sometimes tinker on it. This way I don't have to use headphones with my iPod. (I have an iPod radio... which by the way was a fantastic creation next to the car jack... but I use that at home and chose the laptop to lug back and forth.) Well... I've been plugging my work computer speakers into the headset jack of the laptop... do you see where I'm going with this...?

LIGHTBULB! *bing* I can plug the work speakers into the headset jack of the iPod. And it's a whole lot lighter than my giant 17in screen 8lb laptop complete with huge bag to accomodate it's mass.

Good grief. I think that used up TWO blonde moments. I'll have to be extra smart tomorrow. Peanut Gallery... don't even ... that was too easy.

Hm.


Funny stuff...

#1
A magician was working on a small cruise ship. He does the same act week in and out, with a new audience every week. However, the Captain's parrot watches the show every time. Finally, the parrot figures out how the tricks work and starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind his back! Behind his back!" Well, the magician get really annoyed at this, but what can he do? The parrot belongs to the Captain, after all.

One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. The parrot is sitting on the other end of the plank. The just stare at each other and drift. They drift for 3 days and still don't speak. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says: "OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"

#2
How to tell somebody their fly is unzipped:
1.The cucumber has left the salad.
2. I can see the gun of Navarone.
3. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
4. You've got Windows on your laptop.
5. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
6. Your soldier is out.
7. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
9. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
10. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
11. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
12. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
13. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
14. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
15. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
16. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
17. I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts.


More funny stuff...

www.comics.com

The Daily Crazy - November 19, 2007

*singing*
"Back to the old grind

I don't need another long coffee break
I've had as much coffee as a man can take
I need to change my disposition
Change my point of view
I need time to figure out what I want to do

Believe me when I tell you it gets a little rough
We work a little harder but it never is enough

I'm not afraid to say
I'm a total loss
All I want is a couple days off

Cant wait for the weekend"
- Huey Lewis & the News (Couple Days Off)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX6TdNPfGvA

I'm not sure where my new found love for Huey Lewis & the News came from... but I'm diggin' their tunes. Between them and Fall Out Boy, I'm a happy girl.

Anyhoo...

*sniffle... lip quiver... tear...pout*



Yes... I know. It's the dreaded day... the one that starts to creep into your thoughts late Sunday afternoon. MONDAY.

And how does it start off for me? Well. Let's see. I rolled out of bed at least half an hour late - there was no getting up for me. Just wasn't gonna happen. It was my own fault really...

To all of you... if you ever hear me say "Oh no, if I take a nap late in the afternoon, I have no problem going to bed." BATMAN ME. You know... POW! WHAM!

Once upon a time I was able to nap late and had no problem going to bed around the normal time. Nope. Last night midnight ticked by and my eyelids were nowhere near heavy. I don't know how long I laid staring up at the ceiling, but it felt like hours. Of course, Dooley was out cold. And was hogging the blankets big time. And I can't disturb him to pull some blankets for myself. Surely not. *smirk*

Back to this morning. I finally go to leave and discover... it's snowing. Heavily. And what shoes am I wearing? Black shiny slippery 3in+ heels. Cuz I'm SMART. *grumble... expletive* I rip em' off my feet, shove them in my bag, and run upstairs for a pair of boots. Good move.

I finally get on the road and... ooooohhhh how ppprrEEEEEEETTTyyyyy!! *insert high pitched eeeeeEEEEE sound here*

It was pretty for about 5.2 seconds. Because it took me an hour to get to work. Cuz it's the first snow and of course everyone panics with the first snow. *grumble... expletive...*

Lousy way to start the day...

HOWEVER.

We have to get through today... tomorrow... Wednesday... and then....
THANKSGIVING BABY!

Not only that but it's.... A FOUR DAY WEEKEND. NICE!! *singing* "Hum Hallelujah...just off the key of reason..." (Thought I'd sneak in a little Fall Out Boy there seeing as to how I've been cheating on them with Huey)

Be prepared for me to be ridiculously happy about this for the next few days. *GRIN*

Funny stuff...

10 Things you know from TV:

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think to look for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

More funny stuff...

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The Daily Crazy - November 16, 2007

*singing*
"Baby, baby it looks like it's gonna hail
Baby, baby it' looks like it's gonna hail
You better come inside
Let me teach you how to jive and wail

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail away!

Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale
Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale
Mama's in the backyard learning how to jive and wail

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail away!

A woman is a woman and a man ain't nothin' but a male
A woman is a woman and a man ain't nothin' but a male
One good thing about him
He knows how to jive and wail

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a pail
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a pail
Jill stayed up, she wants to learn how to jive and wail

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail away!"
- Brian Setzer Orchestra (Jump Jive An' Wail)


First, as always, I must acknowledge that it's.... FRIDAY!!!! WOOT!! Oh wonderful weekend. How I've been looking forward to you ALL week.... *sigh*

Did you ever try to shut your alarm off using your t.v. remote? Yup... I did that this morning. I can't tell you how many buttons I hit (including the volume) until I figured out what I was doing. Granted, I didn't have my glasses on so that's a partial excuse... but even the dog looked at me like I had three heads. The look on his face said "Nice goin' dumbass."

Hm.

So I have this internal debate going... Thanksgiving is next week (SWEET). However, I've been bitten by the Christmas bug. Even though Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday... I LOVE decorating for Christmas. My office will eventually look like Christmas threw up in here (a horrible way of putting that... but ... well... it's kinda true)

Anyway... it's Friday and we're allowed to wear jeans today!! HOLLA! We had to pay $5, however it's for a good cause. All the proceeds will go to a local food pantry to help purchase items for Thanksgiving dinner. So we wear jeans and it's for a good cause. Most excellent.

I digress...

I'm comfortably dressed today... so ... I wanna decorate the office demmit! But the rule is to wait until AFTER Thanksgiving (except for stores... they had stuff up before Halloween for crying out loud). One thing I absolutely will NOT do before Thanksgiving is ... watch "Muppets Christmas" or "A Christmas Story." They may be watched ON Thanksgiving... but not BEFORE Thanksgiving. Very important.

So... do I bite the bullet and decorate? I guess I shall see how this afternoon goes. I have a ton of actual work to do... however... this is a much needed morale booster (if I don't get a beat down by people for decorating early... demmed if you do and demmed if you don't... ponder that...) Stay tuned...




To ponder...

Can you cry under water?

Why does round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


Funny stuff...

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The Daily Crazy - November 15, 2007

*singing*
"Yeh, this one's for the workers who toil night and day
By hand and by brain to earn your pay
Who for centuries long past for no more than your bread
Have bled for your countries and counted your dead

In the factories and mills, in the shipyards and mines
We've often been told to keep up with the times
For our skills are not needed, they've streamlined the job
And with sliderule and stopwatch our pride they have robbed

We're the first ones to starve, we're the first ones to die
The first ones in line for that pie-in-the-sky
And we're always the last when the cream is shared out
For the worker is working when the fat cat's about

And when the sky darkens and the prospect is war
Who's given a gun and then pushed to the fore
And expected to die for the land of our birth
Though we've never owned one lousy handful of earth?

We're the first ones to starve, we're the first ones to die
The first ones in line for that pie-in-the-sky
And we're always the last when the cream is shared out
For the worker is working when the fat cat's about

All of these things the worker has done
From tilling the fields to carrying the gun
We've been yoked to the plough since time first began
And always expected to carry the can
- Dropkick Murphy's (Worker's Song)


First, I must comment and say "Friendship is a gift in itself." My Dove Bar told me so. *GRIN*

So I decided to wake up early this morning. Ya know, be the good employee and get to work early, get some things taken care of, etc. *snicker...gag*

Right.

I rolled out of bed... with a horrible scowl... put myself together... and flung myself out the door. I get on the road and am doing pretty good... until... yet again...

HOLY TRAFFIC BATMAN.

How is it that I left the house a half an hour early, and I still made it to work 10 minutes LATE? That's just. MEAN. Not only am I seriously cranky cuz I had to roll my sorry behind outta bed early... but I didn't even get here early as planned... I was LATE.

And why is it I always wind up having a giant cup of juice the day I get stuck in traffic? My car is practially sideways I parked so crooked (hush peanut gallery... most of you know I can't park anyway). I just wanted it somehwere in the vacinity of a spot so I could park it, run into the building, and make a beeline for the ladies room.

Anyhoo... a short story...


DEATH OF A LADYBUG

Little ladybug crawlin' on the bathroom sink.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

I see little ladybug... crawlin' on the bathroom sink.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

I know little ladybugs are Dooley Candy.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

"Dooley! Come ere! You want one?" ("you want one" being code for "treat")
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

I gently pick up little ladybug. Dubbed "Snack."
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

Dooley comes a runnin'. Snufflin' my hands... wanting a peek of said morsel.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

Cody takes a sniff. And wisely, is not interested.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

I carefully place Snack on the floor ... where he/she crawls towards his/her doom.
Poor, poor little ladybug. Lost his/her way.

He cocks his head to the side... sizes Snack up... one more snuffle... then ... SLURP!
Poor, poor little ladybug. He/She is no more.

My dog is WEIRD. He eats ladybugs. What the...? LOVES them. I point one out and... SLURP! They give off a bad smell and a horrible taste (supposedly, I've never had the pleasure of tasting one). Hence the red color with black polka dots which equals a giant neon sign blinking "Don't Eat Me! I Taste Horrible!" Nope. Not to my dog.

Ladybug = Dooley Candy.




Funny stuff...
Thank you Yoda... Gracious, you are. Funny, this is.

Are You Having a bad day?????

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervo usly waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a Bad Day????

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling Better ????


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