"Seven days a week
Ev'ry week of the month
And ev'ry month of the year
He's got us making presents
And I'm happy
Ev'ry girl and boy
Gets their own kind of toy
We like to fill 'em with joy
We're workin' over time
To make 'em happy
Then on Christmas eve
We jump on big red's sleigh
We don't miss a chimney
On our jolly way
We won't stop until
Every kid gets a fill
Of Santa's brand of good will
The thrill of spilling cheer
Just makes us happy
So, if you've been good yourself
You might see the happy elf
Stop by your house and make
You very happy
The happy elf
I'm the happy elf
I'm the happy elf and I just might stop on by
The happy elf
I'm the happy elf
I'm the happy elf and I just might stop on by
I'm Santa's spy!"
- Harry Connick Jr. (The Happy Elf)
It's now after Thanskgiving and it's December. I am officially ALLOWED to sing Christmas music. LOOKOUT FOLKS! I started off with my favorite. *GRIN*
So last night I'm hoofin' it on the treadmill as usual. Walkin' along, walkin' along. Hoofin' it. Arms swingin'... head boppin, singin' along with the tunes... top o' my lungs... havin' a ball.
Word to the wise. Never pick up a text message while walking on a treadmill. Because if it's a funny one... you will a'stumble and nearly break your face.
To boot... while I was recovering from that... the phone rang ...
So I'm half giggling, now a'stumblin' again, trying to turn the treadmill down before off (I made the mistake of hitting STOP while going full speed ONCE. It only takes once to learn that is a giant mistake), pick up/flip open the phone, and turn the music down all at the same time.
I don't know how I did it, but I managed to do it with only a few bumps and bruises to my elbow (when I half dropped the phone, laughing histerically, aiming the remote at the stereo at the same time.... WHAM! on the arm of the t-mill... OW).
Anyhoo...
You wanna know what's really mean? I'll tell you. Picture this...
I'm snuggled all warm and cozy in my bed. At least another good 10 minutes of snooze time to go... NICE... the dog is snoring peacefully (loudly) next to me .... I'm in that happy in-between sleep and waking place.... and....
THE PHONE RINGS.
Who on EARTH calls at 6am-ish???? Oh. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Bow your head in shame you big meanie. And remember... paybacks... You're laughing aren't you? I know it. Well... you won't be laughin' when I get ya back now will ya? I think not.
Speaking of this morning... (it's been a busy evening/morning... and I'll admit... I've had caffeine) ... I really have to stop falling asleep with the t.v. on. I had a dream that I was having a mopping competition with someone. They were telling me mine steams and mops at the same time, is easy to use, lightweight, etc. Though in the dream I had the worst mop ever and it wasn't picking up any dirt... odd...
I woke up to an infomercial about steam cleaners. Somehow I tied that into mops... probably because my kitchen needs it... especially around the dog bowls.
Dooley and I need to have a talk. He is just plain gross. He even has a placemat that he somehow manages to miss... especially after a big "sip" of water. He somehow slurps and turns his head with his tongue out while water is still in his mouth... so ... needless to say half the bowl of water ends up on the floor along with his drool. And the sound of that hitting the floor? *drip drip.... spplllat splat splat.... *
Cleaning that up without losing my lunch? That's love.
I just re-read this. I really have to lay off the caffeine... WOW.
Funny stuff... (I couldn't resist... I am laughing so hard tears are pouring outta my eyes)
When NOT to Fart:
1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. During confession
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation
When TO Fart:
1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it's a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied.
6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In your car if you've been carjacked
12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their turn.
13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go quicker.
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to blame.
More funny stuff...
http://www.comics.com/
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